Saturday, December 15, 2007
Oh, Pleeeeeze
Saturday, December 1, 2007
I Love the Students
Now I did have the one student who claimed that she only got an A because of our intimacy and petitioned for the grade change to a B when our "intimacy" ended. The grading committee met and agreed that she had earned and A. I thought she probably did. I had not actually graded her exam but I know her father had attended Yale. So grading the test was waste of time.
But enough of that. Now several students from last summer's Italy program have complained about their grades. Can you imagine! Hugo and I arrange an international program that requires us to do all the international travel while mailing postcards to the students who can stay home and enjoy their studies while camped out on the beach or in their own snug rooms, and this is the thanks we get. It seems that several of them compared their answers on the multiple choice exam and found that they received different final grades even though they had the same answers. So what? It's not like anyone actually got below a B. Some got A's and some got B's and we played no favorites. I have told them that I do not regrade exams. And, it is true that this time I did not actually read them but I did assign grades based on my best professional judgment. I gave A's to those who had attended Ivy League schools as undergraduates and B's to those who did not. They act like academic freedom is a foreign concept.
I feel I migraine coming on.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
All Hail Dean Bumble
Thankfully, the only candidates interviewed this year were well bred people of standing. It is such a danger to allow faculty so see a candidatle without proper credentials. That happened a couple of years ago and the people hired. . . wel l, they had no sense of entitlement at all.
I must concede that there is one tiny dark cloud. Dean B did indicate very gently that he would like to see me back in the classroom. For those of you who have been following this exercise, I have not actually been in front of a class for a year and have two more years of no classroom activity to come. Last year, between migraine headaches that I could have had and my obligations with Senator Faceworth and his nightly travels with the Jennifers, I just could not teach. And then there was preparation of the Summer in Europe program. During that time I felt that it was important for me to take further time off from teaching to "come down" from the stress.
Oh, one more teeny tiny dark speck. I got this letter yestesday of myself and Senator Faceworth and a couple Jennifers. The suggestion was of some kind of impropriety. A note said "you will hear from me."
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Lucky Jim
At least I have the satistaction faction of living the life that others can only hope for. It's off to Italy this summer. So far 12 students have signed up for our virtual law school in Italy summer program. I am not actually teaching this semester to next because of last year when I was sick but did not take time off.
In the meantime, there is floating around some internet garbage suggesting that faculty from elite schools are no more productive that those from non elite schools. Do yourself a favor and ignore it.
And finally, there is the story that some of my most esteemed elite colleagues are crooked because they will say anything to make money as consultants or expert witnesses. Again, ignore it.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Reason for Hope
I see that Harrison over at Classbias has starting his usual rant. He is offended that people list "to be written" items as "major publications." He does not understand that even things yet to be written; indeed, yet to even be thought of are major publications when the product of an elite mind and education.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Summer Study in Italy
Due to some misunderstandings from last year's program, we are required by the University and the FTC to tell you that, as a student, you will not actually go to Rome. Instead, there will be videos available to you and, should there be technical problems, the professor will send an occasional postcard.
This summer program is designed to keep costs low and to inconvenience the students as little as possible. Thus, while Professors Osborne and Valencia will be on site working hard to create an interesting, rigorous and rewarding educational experience, you never have to leave the comfort of you sofa. Cost is $3000 per student, all inclusive except for meals and airfare.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Can I Work Under These Conditions?
Still, I do use my office for research on possible locations for summer teaching programs -- last year was Italy and I'd like to do Italy for six weeks and them maybe Norway for 6 week. Norwegian law is something are students really need to know more about.
Here is my complaint. The carpet in my office is showing some signs of wear. The paint is not quite conducive to the high powered research people like me do. The chairs, the desk, bookcases, drapes -- well, they all need to be changed. In fact, I would prefer wood floors.
I put in a request to Dean Bumble and got back a terse little note saying that funds were not available. Yet, and get this!!! I understand the secretarial staff got 2% pay increases this year and now I am told I cannot remodel my office. Talk about mixed up priorities.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Really Pissed
And now no breakfast in the faculty lounge, no retreat to St. Barts, no new laptop this year. Really, there must be some kind of OSHA claim I can make. This has got to be worse that a whiff or two of cotton dust.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Return From Roma
Dean Bumble and the three professors who canvassed the students in order to find out if I had been involved in any inappropriate conduct with students have asked to mediate our disagreement. That will take place next month.
The only sour note came when I needed someone of my lighter weight suits and shoes for wear in Florence. I had my secretary send the items overnight and for some reason Dean Bumble felt this was an inappropriate school expenditure. Can you imagine?? What could be more important than being properly attired when teaching in a foreign country?
Evidently, my law school in experiencing a budget crunch. Luckily, nothing I do is anything thing but essential to the law school so I expect no problems.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Buon Giorgo
Here is the great news. I am writing from Rome. Yes, the summer program is in tact and Hugo, Marvel, Caroline and I are here working hard for the students. It is true we are down to 5 students and it is true that those five did not actually make the trip to Italy but we are working hard.
As you know, some of the students were upset that the Summer in Italy program did not actually mean they were going to Italy -- only the professors. Some parents were quite rude and the intial enrollment dwindled to 5. Good riddance I say. Those students obviously were not cut out for foreign travel. The Law School decided we had to operate the program anyway because the American Association of Law Schools had already purchased 30 tickets for a team to come and inspect the program.
We are doing our best for the five students. Each week we send a postcard with some interesting fact about Italian law. In the interest of giving the students what they want, we have decided not to administer a final exam.
As for me, being a dedicated teacher of young people is its own reward.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Early Sabbatical
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Summer Teaching?
The second problem is that, as far is I know, the Summer Program in Italy still has 15 students enrolled. It was a little unnerving that Hugo Valencia, Supreme President of Foreign Programs, forgot that the main attractive of our program was that students would not be with us. Still, even with the recent cancellations and the threatening false adverstising law suit, we still have 15 and at $3,ooo each, we can cover most of the program costs -- our apartments, meals and air fares.
So what is up with this?
Monday, April 9, 2007
What does "IN" Mean
I maintain that Hugo and I have been completely open about the fact that the students would not actually be required to go to Italy. What difference does it make? They do not speak Italian, eat at McDonalds, and stay drunk most of the time. They will actually learn more by staying home. But does anyone one care about how much they learn. Not at chance!!
Instead we have these picky people worried about the fact that the students will not go to Italy when that only means they would learn less.
So what if we said "IN" Italy? The teachers will be in Italy. The broadcasts will be from Italy (or at least the post cards.)
I am going to have to cancel class from 2008-2009 because the ingratitude is overwhelming. Today I will see Hugo at our tennis date. He and I need to talk. According to Ms. Picks, University counsel, she has spoken to Hugo and the claims he never heard of a program in Italy that would not involve students being in Italy.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Summer "in" Italy
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Ungrateful
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
(almost) Everything is Looking Up
The Sun says I will be relieved from further obligations after two more interviews about Senator Faceworth. I think I have two more in me but I have been forced to be very creative. Yesterday I told them that one night Manchild invited three Jennifers up to his room. He then sent me out out buy 4 cartons of whipping cream, a jar of cherries, a wisk broom and 7 rolls of Scotch tape.
I called Hugo about getting some of the details settled concerning the summer program in Rome.
One awkward thing. There is a student in my class that I ovciously cannot meet. His name is Jason and he has registered for the summer in Italy program. Today his mother called and asked about what things he should bring. I told her that the students were not actually going to Italy. She asked what the $3000 is for and I said "expenses." She seemed miffed about no students going. Isn't that just perfect!!! You try to do something for the students and you get in hot water for it.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Deep Throat and Moneylaw
Shannon's final exam in Professional Responsibility has been sent to a faculty review committee. They must decide if it is an A or B paper. If it is an B, they are likely to agree with her that that she did not deserve the A I gave her. This supports her claim that the A was in exchange for sexual favors. It was not. In fact, that year I did not even grade the exams. I just handed out grades randomly and, therefore, I know the A was not undeserved.
In the meantime the idiots over on Moneylaw are discussing whether what law professor write should be useful to courts. Give me a break! My parents did not spend $200,000 on my legal education so I can be an errand boy for judges. Get a life Moneylaw people!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
good news/Bad News
The bad. I interviewed with the Ivyville Sun as promised and I told the truth about the Jennifers and so on. Midnight rides and all that. OK but now the police are questioning the reporter about my identity. I am wanted for questioning with respect to "procuring" and possibly somekind of contributory sexual misdeed. All because of Manchild. So far the reporter is refusing to say anything.
OK, now is this wierder. I mentioned that ten years ago I had a brief affair with a student -- pre Caroline and she was my age. Now she has responded to the letter my "colleagues" circulated asking for reports on any inappropriate behavior. Well the this lady -- call her Shannon-- reported that we had had the affair. And she had petitioned to School to lower her grade from the A I gave her in Professional Responsibily to a B. She says the grade was not earned and she cannot accept it because it was payment for sexual favors. I am not making this up!!!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Rethinking Recanceling
The Double Cancel
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Sensitivity Training Avoided
I think the Marvelle issue has been put to rest. I will know when we are supposed to meet Marvelle and Hugo for tennis Saturday. I think, at the very least, I have saved the summer in Italy program which the faculty approved when I pulled out my trump cards -- the need for many guest lectures and the complete absence of students.
Tomorrow I meet with the Ivyville Sun reporter about Senator Gerard "Manchild" Faceworth's ill-fated visit.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
The Art of the Apology
Dearest Marvelle:
Your misunderstanding of some of the communications that passed between us has led to an unfortunate situation. (Remember, usually the person you are apologizing to should be apologizing to you.)
I have the misfortune of being attractive to women. I do not enjoy it and have done my best to discourage these women in the kindest possible way. It is something so many of us with special qualifications must bear. Thus when we had lunch a few weeks ago, I now understand that you misunderstood my kindness for something different. (Let's keep in mind who started this.)
Given your misunderstanding in that instance, I now understand why, when you brushed against me over the Atlantic, you reacted the way you did. (Reader, by now you are getting the drift.)
Now I understand that you somehow interpreted my Valentine as something untoward.
(This is critical, pay attention.) With all possible sincerity, IF I have offended you, I am sorry. (Ok, note that the apology is not for the actual action. Thus, you take no responsibility and are in good form as far as the New York Times. In effect, it is an apology only because she acted like a bit of a nut. Isn't it great -- the conditional apology. Dean Bumble could not do better.)
Your devoted friend,
Chadsworth.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Air
I think I am OK with Caroline and I will attempt the letter to Marvelle.
Hopefully the faculty call to students will not turn up anything.
A reporter from the Ivyville Sun has called 10 times today. Is it possible that Marvelle has told the press who the myterious escort was?
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Ghostarticle Cinque
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Meeting Dean Bumble
Dean Bumble has more or less deputized several faculty members to send an open letter to all women students asking if any of them have been made uncomfortable by me. I strenuously objected but he said he has done it all before and it worked great. Evidently about half the faculty insisted on signing the letter. I am not sure what to make of that. I have little to fear here since I have not had any inappropriate contact with a student for at least ten years and even then it was with an older divorced student and well before Caroline entered my life.
With Dean Bumble was Alex Ester a reporter for the Ivyville Sun. Dean Bumble has made a deal with the Sun. I am to give them the exclusive story about Manchild's visit and they agree to 1) not reveal my identity and 2) report nothing disfavorable about the law school for 5 years. This deal was attractive to me because it means not printing anything about Marvelle's allegations.
I've much to think about but mainly right now I need a massage, a full body wrap and some of Manchild's single malt scotch which I noticed he had not touched. If you think about it -- really think about it. Things are looking up for me.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Too Much for Me
Reporters are everywhere wanting to know the details and trying to idenitfy his mysterious law professor escort. So far no one on the faculty had identified me.
I worry, though, about Marvelle and Hugo. Both know that Dean Bumble assigned me the task of hosting Senator Manchild and neither, I fear, would feel an obligation to remain silent.
In the meantime. And this is a meantime that swallows all times. Dean Bumble called me to say that he has received an anonymous letter accusing me of "improper touching." So far he has chosen to ignore it. I have not improperly touched anyone but things are "touchy" with respect to Marvelle. If I confront her the Italy summer program may go up in flames.
Friday, March 2, 2007
News Flash
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Ghostarticle Submission: Quattro
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
ManChild
I find it very annoying that on our trips to the clubs the Senator sits in the back seat and rarely speaks to me. On the way back, he is in the back with his pals.
Last night he did speak to me. He asked, "Do you think I should begin going by the name "Man Child.?"
My answer was "yes." And he said, "OK and you can call me MC from now on."
Friday, February 23, 2007
Weekends are for Lovers
Faceworth finally made his break back to Bimini for the weekend. This time he took two Jennifers who were on the same flight to Miami. I took all three to the airport but dropped them at different places. At one point we were almost spotted by reporters and Faceworth hit the floor while the Jennifers giggled and did other unmentionable things.
I am not cut out for this!! Word has leaked out among the faculty and today someone accused me of "pimping" for Gerard.
The cocktail party!! It was at my home and Hugo was cohost. This meant Marvelle came along. Hugo was not friendly to me. It was the first time I had seen Marvelle for several days and we have had no contact since the Hearts of Pom incident.
She spend too much time talking to Caroline. Throughout their chats, Caroline would look at me with a worried expression. I've done nothing wrong here!!! Is it my fault that my privileged pedigree makes women swoon?
At one point Marvelle was talking to Dean Bumble and Faceworth and then to Faceworth alone. During that conversation, Faceworth also looked up at me with a quizzical expression. At one point I think they left together. I saw Hugo looking for Marvelle and said nothing. When they returned -- am I imagining this? -- Marvelle looked flushed and a tad disheveled. Maybe they just share a love of Pomeranians and she was showing him her collection.
Not my problem. Just want to be left alone for two days. I may have to cancel classes for the 07/08 academic year for obvious reasons.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Midnight Rider
I dropped by school today for a few minutes. One of the untenureds ask me to read a manuscript. What a twerpt. I understand why she asked but the insensitivity of it is inexcusable. I have way too much to do. Plus, as I recall, when I asked this specific faculty member for some help on my taxes she did not call back for over an hour.
I am so looking forward to my massage today. I may have to cancel classed for March if the headache I may have does not let up.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Sun Burn
I have gone ahead and cancelled class for next week since I know right now that I will have a splitting headache and there is no reason to inconvenience the students.
Yesterday, after my massage, I met Hugo for tennis. Caroline was with me but Marvelle did not come. I asked about her and all Hugo said was, "I am surprised that you have to ask." After that, nothing. This is worrysome.
Hugo and Marvelle also breed Pomeranians. This could clear up the mystery of the heart Marvelle left in my mailbox. If there is one less pup in their kennel, I think I know where that heart of Pom is (or was). Somehow I need to contact Marvelle and let her know that my Valentine was not meant to encourage her but to suggest that I am spoken for.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Weekend and Ghostarticle
Friday the faculty met on the Italy program. A few bean counters wanted to know what would happened to the 90K in tuition. They also asked if this meant fewer courses in our domestic summer program. Somehow the explanation that the Program was self supporting did not seem to make them less annoying.
The only surprise was a little surge of opposition when someone brought up the fact that no students would actually be going to Italy. What a complete misunderstanding of the innovative nature of the program! The students will almost go to Italy. After all, there will be daily, or at least weekly webcasts or, at the worst, occasional postcards.
This low level of opposition was quickly smothered when I announced the need for at least 8 guest lecturers each summer.
My latest:
Junior III, Chadsworth & Bumble, Roger, "Post Meeting Musings on Italian Wines and Cheeses,"
1 Ghortarticles 155 (2007) (Present: Senator Gerard Faceworth, Jennifer, Jennifer, unidentified heart of Pom)
Friday, February 16, 2007
Humiliation
1. Last night the midnight call from Senator Faceworth. Off to the local bar back home with two Jennifers. Yes, they had to have the same name.
2. Yesterday morning. The Dean Bumble picked up the Senator in the hotel lobby, swarm of reporters present of course, and took him to school. My assignment? Go to the service entrance and pick up his two companions from the previous night -- Heather and Misty.
They piled in the car and immediately said. "Chaddy, Gerard told us you would take us to breakfast and for tanning." And I did. What could I do? I wore dark classes and I am a little nervous about the car that seemed to be following.
Today, the same routine -- breakfast and tanning. I will, however, be at school for the 3:00 meeting about the Italian summer program.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Every Word is True
1.Let's start with Senator Faceworth. First you should know that I read in the Times that in response to some questions about his private life he dared reporters to follow him around. "You will regret it. The boredom will be intolerable."
He arrived by private jet. A squadron of reporters arrived soon thereafter and more were waiting at the hotel when I took him there at about 8 P.M. I gave him my cell number and the phone rang a midnight just as I was dozing off. "Let's have a drink," he said. "I'll be at the service ramp. Be here in 15 minutes" I was and found him, a knit cap pulled low and wrap-around sun glasses. He was very direct about wanting to go to a student "club." I had no idea where to take him but drove him to a part of town with student bars. We parked and went into something called the "Music Store." Average age 21. By now, if you know Senator Faceworth, you know what happened. After 30 minutes he found me. He wanted to go back to his room. "Of course," I said, not realizing that the two coeds - one on each arm - were to accompany him. So, at 1:00 A.M. I left him as he and his new playmates quickly scrambled from the car and darted for the service elevator. This cannot be good. And, he is here for three weeks.
2. A noon I was at School. No class, of course, because I think my throat may be a little scratchy tomorrow. Coffee in the lounge and then a quick mail check. In my mail box was a plastic box about 5 inches by 8 inches and 4 inches deep. I pulled it out. On the top, someone had draw a heart. The heart was black with a capital M in the middle. Marvelle, I thought. Maybe she did not understand the obvious message of my own Valentine to her. When I open the box a note, "you pig, I warned you." And under the note, what appeared to a heart. Not a happy Valentine's heart but not-so-happy real heart My guess is that it was from a pig or maybe a poodle. But then again maybe a pomeranian. On second thought maybe a bit large for a pomeranian
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Marvelle's Valentine
There was a very helpful sales clerk. When I told her that there was a woman who was quite taken by me and that I wanted a Valentine that said in a nice way "I do not want to be your Valentine" she knew exactly what I wanted.
She let me to a little room away from the other Valentine displays. You know the Hearts and Lace and Bunny Rabbits. This room was somewhat more "adult" in its Valentine offerings.
The card I decided on is just perfect. On the outside in a very tough looking guy wearing a little Lone Ranger type mask. He is also wearing a gun and holster. The gun has a exaggerated barrel.
You flip the card open and it says, "You better think twice about being my Valentine."
I immediately signed it "Chaddy" and popped it in the mail to Marvelle's office. So she will not be embarrassed I think it is better that Hugo not know about the attraction.
This, I am certain, will clarify things with her.
Ghost Article Submission
Hugo and I determined that the transcription requirement was arbitrary and that any discussion in the presence of others should be rightfully be noted as part of one's scholarly output. Hence the birth of the journal Ghostarticles.
Two issues have arisen. First, does it have to be a conversation with another person? Suppose you just run through some important ideas in your head? Isn't the requirement that another person be involved unnecessary? It does not increase the importance of one's contribution.
Second, even if another person has to be involved, does there have to be someone present who actually hears the discussion. Ghostarticle citation form requires naming those present but it is not clear why. Again it has not bearing on the quality of the scholarship.
These are things to consider while I shop for Marvelles' valentine today.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Memorandum Tre
From: Chadsworth Oborne Junior III
Re: Summer Program in Italy
Date: February 12, 2007
Supreme Senior Vice President of Foreign Programs, Hugo Valencia and I are happy to propose a new study abroad opportunity for our students. The details are as follows:
A. Location:
Three weeks in Rome, three weeks in Florence.
B. Expected enrollment and student costs.
For the first year, expected enrollment is 30 but the actual enrollment can exceed this. The program has no upper limit on enrollment. The initial tuition is $3,000 per student. This includes all housing and transportation, to the extent those are necessary.
C. Need and Opportunities
This program will complement our other excellent foreign study opportunities. Many of our students have expressed a desire to study in Italy and to learn Italian law. Many of our colleagues have connections with scholars in Italy and would gain a great deal with respect to their work in comparative law. It is critical that we have a presence in Italy.
Several members of our faculty will be invited to travel to Rome or Florence to serve as guest lecturers and to attend graduation ceremonies at the end of the term.
D. Staffing.
Professor Junior is the Director of the Program and will go each year. In addition to the director, one other full time professor will travel to the site. Two assistants will accompany the professors. After the initial year, it is anticipated that the position of professor will be circulated among the faculty.
E. Students Activities
Students will earn six credit hours. In addition they will be taken on several tours of important Italian sites.
F. Budget:
Airfare for Professors and assistants: $10,000
Housing: $80,000
G. Impact
This program will put us in the first tier of foreign program offering schools. The net cost to the School, other than trips of guest lecturers, is zero. The two professors involved will be paid the usual stipend for summer teaching.
Although I am hosting Senator Faceworth, will have to cancel my class, and feel a headache coming on, I will be at the meeting Friday to answer any questions
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Faculty Approval and Marvelle's Valentine
The Valentine is a bit trickier. What do you give to a woman who is your best friend's wife, is very taken by you (and who could blame her) and is bold enough to tell you almost in public that if you touch her again it will make her even more of a woman. O.K I know when I first heard it, I misunderstood and thought she said if I touched her again she had friends who would make ME even more of a woman but, luckily, I avoided the misunderstanding. Oh, it also has be a Valentine that communicates that I like her but I do not want to be her Valentine (if you understand what I mean).
Tomorrow I will shop for the perfect Valentine. I think I will sign it Chaddy which is what Caroline calls me when we are alone. Tuesday the report to the faculty.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Next Week
1. Select a Valentines card for Marvelle.
2. Pick up Senator Faceworth for a tour of campus and the law school. Show him my art collection.
3. Cancel class because of all my other obligations and the cold I may feel coming on.
4. Research the best Italian tailors.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Memorandum Due
From Professor Junior III
Re: Visit of Senator Faceworth
Date: September 8, 2007
I am delighted to accept the role as Senator Faceworth's host. There are some arrangements that I would like your office to make. Senator Faceworth will need a driver and a car with suitable seating for 6 adults. Also, I have heard he enjoys a good single malt scotch. Please have an array placed in his office. On the evening of the 17th, Caroline and I, along with Hugo and Marvelle Valencia, would like to host a cocktail party for Senator Faceworth in your home. I presume your office will arrange suitable catering.
As you know Supreme Senior Vice President of Foreign Porgrams, Hugo Valencia, and I have recently returned from Italy where we made all the necessary arrangements for this summer's foreign study in Rome program. The details will be provided to the students shortly. This is a pardigm shifting summer program in that only the professors will have their lives disrupted by travel. The students will enjoy the foreign experience via video feed (or weekly written reports should there be technical problems). In the meantime, I know it would mean a great deal to the students if you and Christie could visit with them "in" Italy. We will be in Rome for three weeks and then in Florence for three weeks. Please let me know what works for you.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Memorandum
From: Dean Bumble
Date: February 7, 2007
Re: Visit of Senator Faceworth
As you are aware the Law School has invite Senator Jerry Faceworth to guest lecture for two weeks on the subject of Labor Law. I would like to you to serve as his host during this time. I know you have many committments but we need to put our best foot forward given that Senator Faceworth has recently announced his candidacy for President of the United States.
Please advise me of your availability as soon as it is convenient. Senator Faceworth arrives on February 15th.
Thank you.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Rethinking Marvelle's Overture
I was cordial to Marvelle in the trip back but made an effort not to be alone with her. The idea did occur to me, though, that I may have misunderstood her comment. For example, "Listen you asshole. I have friends Hugo does not know about and you should pray you never see. Touch me again like you did on the plane coming over and I will make sure they make you even more of a woman." could be a slightly indirect way of telling me that she has secrets from Hugo and maybe she just phrased what she mean carelessly. In fact, I am pretty sure what she meant to say is "only you can make me even more of a woman."
I do not want to be involved with her except as the wife of my dear fried and coauthor Hugo but do not want to disappoint her either. Perhaps a Valentine is in order.
In the meantime while in customs, Hugo and I completed another article while waiting for our luggage:
Junior III, Chadsworth & Valencia, Hugo, "Guide to Implementation of Virtual Summer Study Program for Indigent Ivy League Law Students," 1 Ghostarticle 44 (2007) (those present: US Agriculture dog, US Border guard, Emil (skycap).
Saturday, February 3, 2007
The Touch and the Times
All is not well, though, and I am somewhat alarmed. Despite my best efforts to avoid being alone with Marvelle and to avoid eye contact, an unsettling thing happened last night at dinner. Marvelle, Caroline and Hugo had all excused themselves to go to the facilities. Marvelle returned first. She approached the table and rather than sit in her chair he came very close to me and leaned over. Her lips were next to my ear. "My God, is she so smitten that she will kiss me in public?"
Then I hear these words spoken very slowly, "Listen you asshole. I have friends Hugo does not know about and you should pray you never see. Touch me again like you did on the plane coming over and I will make sure they make you even more of a woman."
I am mulling this over (there are so many messages in there) as I write this and prepare for the return flight. The only good thing I can see in this that is hopeful is that Marvelle appears to be a strick adherent to the New York Times rule. She has complete denyability about her threat.
Friday, February 2, 2007
1 Ghostarticles 12 (2007)
Thursday, February 1, 2007
GhostArticle for the Decanal Glossy
Idea 1. It's that time of year when the dean creates a glossy brochure listing everyone's publications. You realize that a few months ago you were in a discussion with someone and an audience was there. It was taped and you had your secretary type it up. Presto! an article for your resume.
Idea 2. You read a draft of a colleague's article, made some suggestions and so on. You are a ghost coauthor and rightfully could claim this on your resume.
So, the other day Hugo and I were having some drinks and playing a bit of tennis and I realized we are have a perfectly marvelous discussion about the best spots in Europe to have summer programs. It was in depth. All we needed was someone to write it down.
Think about it. Does the fact that no one was there to write it down really change the substance of our scholarship? In effect, we had coauthored a ghostarticle, worthy of listing on our overflowing resumes and to be including in the annual decanal glossy.
Thus. the birth of the new journal Ghostarticles.
Volume 1 contains the first article by Hugo and myself since the journal's birth. And what a journal. No pesky reading, no cumbersome downloads, no snotty law review editors. No, right from your mouth to your resume!!!
Submitted to SSRN
1 Ghostarticles 1 (2007) (audience , Junior III, Caroline & Valencia, Marvelle, February 7, 2007).
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
To Be Loved
My only concern during the week, other than making the summer program in
Now the good news. The way Hugo has designed this summer abroad program opens up so many possibilities that are just not there when the students are “on location.” He has raised the idea of a split summer program – 3 weeks in
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Working to Keep Student Costs Low
The four us had brief naps at the St. Regis Grand and then dove right into our research. We found several restaurants that would be a little pricey for the students but since they will not be coming, the restaurants were just right. We also found several wines that would be perfect for them if there were coming and had sufficient funding. Caroline took careful notes so we can remember to revisit some of the better restaurants when we broadcast back to the students.
This morning Hugo and I taxied over to Le Sapienza to speak to our counterparts. Unforunately, we were unable to find the Dean or department head so we left our cards and our hotel phone numbers with instructions to contact us. It was quite annoying that we found so few people there who spoke English. We left our resumes to make it clear what an opportunity this presents for the University there. By nightfall there was no return calls which means almost certainly that the materials we left were lost. In any case, with the program Hugo has devised, we do not really need to be associated with another University. Well, we did what we could be be neighborly.
After that we shopped for appropriate housing for the four of us. Marvelle suggested one large apartment but I had to veto that idea right away. In fact, I find it in Marvelle’s best interest for me to avoid eye contact. I fear for her dignity and my friendship with Hugo whenever she is near me.
We are torn between Trastevere and Novona. Its is a tough call especially since we are attempting to keep the costs down for the students. As I noted earlier, at 30 students and $3000 per student we are attempting to stay under 90K. This will mean some sacrifices, but I think each apartment should not exceed 25,000 for the 6 week stay and that includes staffing. It's not what we are accustomed to at the Vineyard but we can rough it in the interest of giving the students a first class experience.
All four of us closed out this very hard day with massages in the Hotel Spa and then a room service dinner. It is essential that we stay alert and relaxed to perform at our best.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Marvelle at 30,000 Feet
The instance I am talking about raises one of the big ethical delimmas of flying. You are headed down an aisle -- usually to give your card to the flight crew so they will know there are important people abroad. If you are a man and there is a woman coming the other way and no seats to duck into you must make the decision about which way to turn your body. Turning so your posterior is pointing inward -- toward your fellow passenger -- seems rude. Turning so you face the other passenger means the risk of inappropriate touching.
Seeing Marvelle coming down the aisle and knowing her feelings for me, I was just such delimma and felt that the "posterior out option would be extra rude." On the other hand, I was fully aware that when it comes to me she has a woman's needs and might not yield to me my rightful half of the aisle. In fact, she would likely attempt a face to face passage.
When we came face to face she immediately turned so she faced away from me and pushed herself as far away as possible. I was relieved but as we parted my hand accidently brushed her posterior. She immediately looked up at me. I could tell by her look that she interpreted the touch as indicating that her fascination with me was mutual -- not just that I too am fascinated by me but that I was fascinated by her.
Somehow over the week I must attempt to make it clear that I am very fond of her but not in a romantic way. She is, after all, Hugo's wife and Hugo is the Supreme Superior Senior vice president in charge of international programs.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
In Service to the Students
My friend Hugo, supreme senior vice president of international programs, and I have developed a new template for foreign programs that we intend to roll out this summer. In fact, as I write, Hugo, Caroline and Marvelle and I are packing because we will be in Rome all next week setting the program up. (Yes, I will miss a week of class but it will be made up by showing the film “Being There.” )
The program is open to all second and third year students. The cost is yet to be determined but the program will be operated at cost. Right now we are projecting an initial enrollment of 30 so I am estimating tuition of only $3,000 each. During the six weeks of the program Hugo and I (along with Caroline and Marvelle who have graciously offered their services to the Law School for “expenses” only) will be in Rome. The students are the big beneficiaries here because they will stay in the U.S. or wherever else they want to be. Twice a week Hugo and I will offer lectures via video feed. While in Rome next week, we will explore potential tours to “take” the students on via video feed. During the actual program, in addition to the lectures, we will conduct the tours and them to our dinners and “clubbing,” all via video. In other words, they get all the adventure and enrichment of a Roman summer plus law school credit, without having to actually go there. Hugo suggested and I agree that we needed a back up plan in case the video does not operate as we anticipate. To this end we are committed to sending the students written reports each week so they will not get behind. Because we are sensitive to student needs there will be no exam.
I doubt anyone without a sense of entitlement could develop something comparable and fully comprehend what it will mean to our students.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Downside of Elite: Lunch With Marvelle
Due to some poor planning by my wife Caroline, the lunch, which was supposed to be for the four of us, ended up being for just two -- Marvelle and your humble author.
Being alone with a women is when being a law professor from an elite university actually is a problem. I do not want to get into locker room talk here but women cannot leave privileged law professors alone. And they seem to be able to spot us from miles away. What accounts for it? It is very hard to say. We -- my fellow law professors who are similarly "afflicted" and I -- have discussed it but are unable to agree on a satisfactory answer. It is some combination of pure animal magnatism and palpable intellect.
And back to Marvelle. It was clear she was stricken. She hardly ate half of her salad (lemon juice dressing on the side, hold the croutons, no onions, are those organic carrots?, no outer leaves of the lettuce and could I have a real salad fork, please). She did have four glasses of wine. I tried to put her at ease and explain that this happens all the time but she just stared at me as though she could not even begin to process what I was saying.
Well, I ended the lunch somewhat abruptly, helped her into her coat, bid farewell to the waitress who was looking at me slack-jawed and seemingly entranced, and saw her off.
I will try not to be alone with Marvelle again so she will not have to endure what must be very upsetting.
The New York Times Rule
The NYT rule is an important one to most law professors. In effect, it is dangerous to leave, shall we say, "tracks." For example, suppose you want to say something to a colleague just to reassure him. Oh, something like, "You are twice the scholar Dwayne is." or "I'll make sure that candidate does not get through." Later that colleague repeats what you have said. If there are no tracks you can simply chalk it up to a "misunderstanding" or say "I might of actually said 'You and Dwayne have your own strengths.'" If you have left "tracks" then you are in something of a pickle.
Ok, off to meet with Marvell for coffee. Hugo and Caroline could not make it and I have always found Marvell to be quite interesting so it will be nice to get to know her better.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Never Trust a Blogger
The way he has presented the letter it makes me seem like I do not work hard. I will admit that, looking at it now, there is a sense that I did little actual work that day. Nothing could be further from the truth. Harrison does not understand two things:
1. Those of us who are well educated and well bred are thinking all the time. For example, during both my massage and my racket ball game I was considering the importance of tax cuts for the wealthy and elimination of the inheritance tax.
2. We need our "down time." It is during the down time that our brains recharge. For example, it is clear to me that the proper schedule for law professors like myself is one teaching day a week. Every other year should be a sabbatical.
I know those who do not understand will say the usual working class schedule is 40-50 hours a week and a two week vacation but those people are so much less productive, they have to work longer.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Rankings: What is the Problem
The quality of a law school depends on one factor -- the faculty. The quality of the faculty, in turn, depends on the quality of their education. I suggest a simple ranking system: Divide the number of faculty who graduated from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, Duke, or Penn by the total number of faculty. The higher the number you get, the better the law school. Really, why make it any more complicated than that?
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Fighting Back
Moneylaw, the brain child of Jim Chen, is based on the idea of the baseball book Moneyball. The best I can tell from wading through the gibberish is that he and his fellow contributors think that one can deliver legal education more effectively and at a lower cost. Jeff Harrison is responsible for Classbias which appears to be nothing but whining about the fact that some people are not as gifted, as smart, or as well educated as the rest of us. His view seems to be that we could all be replaced by janitors.
Their favorite targets are Ivy League schools and hiring practices that have existed and been successful for years. What the do not get is that the existence of law owes itself to the institution of private property. The more you have, the more you rely on law to protect it. Who better to do the protecting that those of us who identify with those who control wealth. Their approach would be tantamont to putting the proverbial fox at the gate to the chicken coop -- or whereever chickens live since I am hardly the person to know, nor to want to know about farming.