Friday, February 15, 2008

The Pervasive Odor

It has been almost a week and the popcorn/hot dog disinfectant oder stays with me. WalMart should bottle it. Only at Walgreens have I noticed such a pervasive, penetrating, and gag inducing odor.

Marvelle knew what she was up to. Is this my plight?! I have always done the right thing. I planned the Summer in Italy program that does not require students to go to the trouble of being in Italy. I escorted Sentator Faceworth and did not say a word about his needs for a steady supply of duel Jennifers. I apoligized to Marvelle although it was her, completely understandable, obsession with me that led to this unhappy situation.

I worry about her next order.

Monday, February 11, 2008


That is where I need to be. I followed Marvelle's instructions and spend $200 at Walmart on a Friday night. I came home and showered for an hour. What an experience.

The stench when I walked in -- popcorn and hotdogs. The people. My God, It was like a fat convention. What is it about the American lower classes? It must be from eating way too much corn bread or whatever it is that those people eat.

The clothes. I did not know jeans came in double wide butt sizes. Really!! for an Ivy Leager like me it was a shock to the senses. These people have no sense of style. The hair! Tight perms on the older ladies and slut-styles on the younger ones. Mullets galore -- even on some women.

The children. Can every kid under 10 have a runny nose? Where is my Purell? I need several gallons. Actually, I quicky went to the garden section and acquired some gloves before handling any of the products.

The skin ! The dental work? Not that I saw a sign of any.

I mean I give money to all kinds of "liberal" causes but that is just to make sure I actually do not have to mix with these kinds of people.

Marvelle, I did nothing to you. Why are you doing this to me?

I had to cancel class this week to deal with a possible migraine.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Ghost Articles and a Message From Marvelle

Dean Bumble, who I thought was my friend, would be, if he were part of a test, the answer "none of the above." He wants a list of my recent publications. I listed my most recent ghost article which was coauthored by Hugo Valencia, supreme president of University Foreign Programs, (the ideas were mainly mine) and Bumble says it is not an article. "If it cannot be downloaded and then the downloads added up, it's useless." I may file a grievance but hopefully he will come to his senses.

Marvelle's first note came today and I quote:

On Friday night of the 15th you are to go to WalMart. There you are to purchase $200 worth of items. You may choose any items but no one item must have a price in excess o f $2.00. You may not select duplicate items. If you fail to do this, the photos will be sent to Caroline an posted on the web. Chadsworth, you are an insufferable a**hole. You take the items the following morning to the GoodWill store and leave them there.

Love M

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Mezzo Notte e due

Yes, two days since my redevous with Marvelle at the bell tower. Do I know where I have been since then? No. Do I want to go back? Maybe.

I told Caroline I had to back to my office to get something around 11:30 on Thursday. At midnight I drove to the bell tower dodging the College police who would delight in interrogating an Ivy League man such as me.

Marvelle was in the shadows. It has been a year since the unfortunate Valentine's day when she presented me with an actual heart as a rebuff to what she thought were my inappropriate advances but which were my effort to be kind in discouraging her from from obsessing about me which, upon reflection, I realize she was not doing at all. It's a long story and I am not in shape to retell it here but it is all on this blog.

When I could see her face I could see that she was with Dean Bumble. Her first words, "Chadsworth, you are a pig. First you attack me then you are pimp to Senator Faceworth. You run a bogus foreign studies program. Finally, you will do something useful."

Well, being an Ivy League graduate, I had never heard this type of thing. I started to play the "that is inappropiate" card but somehow it just did not seem . . . . . well, appropiate.

It was about then that I saw that Dean Bumble had a taser pointed right at my most sensitive region. It was only a split second later there was a shocking and burning feeling is the same region. I know I folded over and I faintly recall being dragged to a car and then a pinching sensation in my arm

I am writing this from home now. I woke up here. I recall what I have described and then I recall great pleasure but it is vague. When I first opened my eyes, Caroline was there. Here only words, "Do not talk. I do not want to know." I realized that the raw feeling on the top of my right hand was a newly applied tattoo -- a pomeranian in three colors.

My shirt was hung over the chair near my bed and, in it, a folded note: "Chadsworth, we have photos, many photos that you may not want to be revealed. In the next few months, we will provide instructions. Follow them and the photos are yours. Do not and there will be consequences." M and Dean B. Coupon Coupon