Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ghostarticle Submission: Quattro

Junior III, Chadsworth & Manchild, [Senator Gerard (Bimini Boy) Faceworth], "On Freedom of Vehicular Movement and the Press" 1 Ghostarticle 188 (2007) (Present: Jennifer X, Jennifer Y)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


You know the routine. A midnight run and two Jennifers each night.

I find it very annoying that on our trips to the clubs the Senator sits in the back seat and rarely speaks to me. On the way back, he is in the back with his pals.

Last night he did speak to me. He asked, "Do you think I should begin going by the name "Man Child.?"

My answer was "yes." And he said, "OK and you can call me MC from now on."

Friday, February 23, 2007

Weekends are for Lovers

I am having my massage right now and I deserve it. But then I deserve all good things because, well . . . you know.

Faceworth finally made his break back to Bimini for the weekend. This time he took two Jennifers who were on the same flight to Miami. I took all three to the airport but dropped them at different places. At one point we were almost spotted by reporters and Faceworth hit the floor while the Jennifers giggled and did other unmentionable things.

I am not cut out for this!! Word has leaked out among the faculty and today someone accused me of "pimping" for Gerard.

The cocktail party!! It was at my home and Hugo was cohost. This meant Marvelle came along. Hugo was not friendly to me. It was the first time I had seen Marvelle for several days and we have had no contact since the Hearts of Pom incident.

She spend too much time talking to Caroline. Throughout their chats, Caroline would look at me with a worried expression. I've done nothing wrong here!!! Is it my fault that my privileged pedigree makes women swoon?

At one point Marvelle was talking to Dean Bumble and Faceworth and then to Faceworth alone. During that conversation, Faceworth also looked up at me with a quizzical expression. At one point I think they left together. I saw Hugo looking for Marvelle and said nothing. When they returned -- am I imagining this? -- Marvelle looked flushed and a tad disheveled. Maybe they just share a love of Pomeranians and she was showing him her collection.

Not my problem. Just want to be left alone for two days. I may have to cancel classes for the 07/08 academic year for obvious reasons.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Midnight Rider

Two more midnight calls from Faceworth and four more Gingers or Kimberlys -- who knows, who cares. Even though I pick him up at the loading dock of the hotel and he has his stocking cap pulled low, it is not always fool proof. Last night at what has become his favorite bar I spotted a pick-faced reporter who I recognized from the caravan of cars that following us each day. He definitely saw Faceworth and then left hurriedly.

I dropped by school today for a few minutes. One of the untenureds ask me to read a manuscript. What a twerpt. I understand why she asked but the insensitivity of it is inexcusable. I have way too much to do. Plus, as I recall, when I asked this specific faculty member for some help on my taxes she did not call back for over an hour.

I am so looking forward to my massage today. I may have to cancel classed for March if the headache I may have does not let up.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sun Burn

Senator Faceworth evidently came back late last night, having taken Monday off. Judging by his sun burn, the trip to Bimini was a success. Now he is followed by a caravan of pink faced reporters. The cocktail party in is honor is this Thursday. He has not thanked me for the selection of single malt scotches in his office. I am beginning to look forward to his departure. I have had way too many Heathers and Jennifers to escort back to their apartments or dorms.

I have gone ahead and cancelled class for next week since I know right now that I will have a splitting headache and there is no reason to inconvenience the students.

Yesterday, after my massage, I met Hugo for tennis. Caroline was with me but Marvelle did not come. I asked about her and all Hugo said was, "I am surprised that you have to ask." After that, nothing. This is worrysome.

Hugo and Marvelle also breed Pomeranians. This could clear up the mystery of the heart Marvelle left in my mailbox. If there is one less pup in their kennel, I think I know where that heart of Pom is (or was). Somehow I need to contact Marvelle and let her know that my Valentine was not meant to encourage her but to suggest that I am spoken for.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Weekend and Ghostarticle

The Senator is off to Bimini for the week end and I am sleeping.

Friday the faculty met on the Italy program. A few bean counters wanted to know what would happened to the 90K in tuition. They also asked if this meant fewer courses in our domestic summer program. Somehow the explanation that the Program was self supporting did not seem to make them less annoying.

The only surprise was a little surge of opposition when someone brought up the fact that no students would actually be going to Italy. What a complete misunderstanding of the innovative nature of the program! The students will almost go to Italy. After all, there will be daily, or at least weekly webcasts or, at the worst, occasional postcards.

This low level of opposition was quickly smothered when I announced the need for at least 8 guest lecturers each summer.

My latest:

Junior III, Chadsworth & Bumble, Roger, "Post Meeting Musings on Italian Wines and Cheeses,"
1 Ghortarticles 155 (2007) (Present: Senator Gerard Faceworth, Jennifer, Jennifer, unidentified heart of Pom)

Friday, February 16, 2007


I am not often humiliated. Afterall, I am . . . you know. But,

1. Last night the midnight call from Senator Faceworth. Off to the local bar back home with two Jennifers. Yes, they had to have the same name.

2. Yesterday morning. The Dean Bumble picked up the Senator in the hotel lobby, swarm of reporters present of course, and took him to school. My assignment? Go to the service entrance and pick up his two companions from the previous night -- Heather and Misty.

They piled in the car and immediately said. "Chaddy, Gerard told us you would take us to breakfast and for tanning." And I did. What could I do? I wore dark classes and I am a little nervous about the car that seemed to be following.

Today, the same routine -- breakfast and tanning. I will, however, be at school for the 3:00 meeting about the Italian summer program.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Every Word is True

Not a good Valentine's day, even for the best of us.

1.Let's start with Senator Faceworth. First you should know that I read in the Times that in response to some questions about his private life he dared reporters to follow him around. "You will regret it. The boredom will be intolerable."

He arrived by private jet. A squadron of reporters arrived soon thereafter and more were waiting at the hotel when I took him there at about 8 P.M. I gave him my cell number and the phone rang a midnight just as I was dozing off. "Let's have a drink," he said. "I'll be at the service ramp. Be here in 15 minutes" I was and found him, a knit cap pulled low and wrap-around sun glasses. He was very direct about wanting to go to a student "club." I had no idea where to take him but drove him to a part of town with student bars. We parked and went into something called the "Music Store." Average age 21. By now, if you know Senator Faceworth, you know what happened. After 30 minutes he found me. He wanted to go back to his room. "Of course," I said, not realizing that the two coeds - one on each arm - were to accompany him. So, at 1:00 A.M. I left him as he and his new playmates quickly scrambled from the car and darted for the service elevator. This cannot be good. And, he is here for three weeks.

2. A noon I was at School. No class, of course, because I think my throat may be a little scratchy tomorrow. Coffee in the lounge and then a quick mail check. In my mail box was a plastic box about 5 inches by 8 inches and 4 inches deep. I pulled it out. On the top, someone had draw a heart. The heart was black with a capital M in the middle. Marvelle, I thought. Maybe she did not understand the obvious message of my own Valentine to her. When I open the box a note, "you pig, I warned you." And under the note, what appeared to a heart. Not a happy Valentine's heart but not-so-happy real heart My guess is that it was from a pig or maybe a poodle. But then again maybe a pomeranian. On second thought maybe a bit large for a pomeranian

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Marvelle's Valentine

Selecting the right Valentine for Marvelle was not as difficult as I thought. I allocated two hours and only needed one.

There was a very helpful sales clerk. When I told her that there was a woman who was quite taken by me and that I wanted a Valentine that said in a nice way "I do not want to be your Valentine" she knew exactly what I wanted.

She let me to a little room away from the other Valentine displays. You know the Hearts and Lace and Bunny Rabbits. This room was somewhat more "adult" in its Valentine offerings.

The card I decided on is just perfect. On the outside in a very tough looking guy wearing a little Lone Ranger type mask. He is also wearing a gun and holster. The gun has a exaggerated barrel.

You flip the card open and it says, "You better think twice about being my Valentine."

I immediately signed it "Chaddy" and popped it in the mail to Marvelle's office. So she will not be embarrassed I think it is better that Hugo not know about the attraction.

This, I am certain, will clarify things with her.

Ghost Article Submission

Hugo and I were discussing the submission standards for Ghostarticles. As you know these are articles influenced by the tendency of law professors to list as an article anything that they have said in the presence of others that was transcribed.

Hugo and I determined that the transcription requirement was arbitrary and that any discussion in the presence of others should be rightfully be noted as part of one's scholarly output. Hence the birth of the journal Ghostarticles.

Two issues have arisen. First, does it have to be a conversation with another person? Suppose you just run through some important ideas in your head? Isn't the requirement that another person be involved unnecessary? It does not increase the importance of one's contribution.

Second, even if another person has to be involved, does there have to be someone present who actually hears the discussion. Ghostarticle citation form requires naming those present but it is not clear why. Again it has not bearing on the quality of the scholarship.

These are things to consider while I shop for Marvelles' valentine today.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Memorandum Tre

To: Faculty
From: Chadsworth Oborne Junior III
Re: Summer Program in Italy
Date: February 12, 2007

Supreme Senior Vice President of Foreign Programs, Hugo Valencia and I are happy to propose a new study abroad opportunity for our students. The details are as follows:

A. Location:

Three weeks in Rome, three weeks in Florence.

B. Expected enrollment and student costs.

For the first year, expected enrollment is 30 but the actual enrollment can exceed this. The program has no upper limit on enrollment. The initial tuition is $3,000 per student. This includes all housing and transportation, to the extent those are necessary.

C. Need and Opportunities

This program will complement our other excellent foreign study opportunities. Many of our students have expressed a desire to study in Italy and to learn Italian law. Many of our colleagues have connections with scholars in Italy and would gain a great deal with respect to their work in comparative law. It is critical that we have a presence in Italy.

Several members of our faculty will be invited to travel to Rome or Florence to serve as guest lecturers and to attend graduation ceremonies at the end of the term.

D. Staffing.

Professor Junior is the Director of the Program and will go each year. In addition to the director, one other full time professor will travel to the site. Two assistants will accompany the professors. After the initial year, it is anticipated that the position of professor will be circulated among the faculty.

E. Students Activities

Students will earn six credit hours. In addition they will be taken on several tours of important Italian sites.

F. Budget:

Airfare for Professors and assistants: $10,000
Housing: $80,000

G. Impact

This program will put us in the first tier of foreign program offering schools. The net cost to the School, other than trips of guest lecturers, is zero. The two professors involved will be paid the usual stipend for summer teaching.

Although I am hosting Senator Faceworth, will have to cancel my class, and feel a headache coming on, I will be at the meeting Friday to answer any questions

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Faculty Approval and Marvelle's Valentine

I forgot one detail about summer program in Rome. It must be approved by the faculty. That meeting is this Friday and I need to submit a written proposal by Wednesday, the same day as Senator Faceworth's arrival. The program will be approved but the bean counters on the faculty will sure raise an issue or two. On the other hand, no faculty member currently involved in a foreign program will vote no so it should pass with at least 80% of the vote.

The Valentine is a bit trickier. What do you give to a woman who is your best friend's wife, is very taken by you (and who could blame her) and is bold enough to tell you almost in public that if you touch her again it will make her even more of a woman. O.K I know when I first heard it, I misunderstood and thought she said if I touched her again she had friends who would make ME even more of a woman but, luckily, I avoided the misunderstanding. Oh, it also has be a Valentine that communicates that I like her but I do not want to be her Valentine (if you understand what I mean).

Tomorrow I will shop for the perfect Valentine. I think I will sign it Chaddy which is what Caroline calls me when we are alone. Tuesday the report to the faculty.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Next Week

Next Week's To Do List:

1. Select a Valentines card for Marvelle.

2. Pick up Senator Faceworth for a tour of campus and the law school. Show him my art collection.

3. Cancel class because of all my other obligations and the cold I may feel coming on.

4. Research the best Italian tailors.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Memorandum Due

To: Dean Bumble
From Professor Junior III
Re: Visit of Senator Faceworth
Date: September 8, 2007

I am delighted to accept the role as Senator Faceworth's host. There are some arrangements that I would like your office to make. Senator Faceworth will need a driver and a car with suitable seating for 6 adults. Also, I have heard he enjoys a good single malt scotch. Please have an array placed in his office. On the evening of the 17th, Caroline and I, along with Hugo and Marvelle Valencia, would like to host a cocktail party for Senator Faceworth in your home. I presume your office will arrange suitable catering.

As you know Supreme Senior Vice President of Foreign Porgrams, Hugo Valencia, and I have recently returned from Italy where we made all the necessary arrangements for this summer's foreign study in Rome program. The details will be provided to the students shortly. This is a pardigm shifting summer program in that only the professors will have their lives disrupted by travel. The students will enjoy the foreign experience via video feed (or weekly written reports should there be technical problems). In the meantime, I know it would mean a great deal to the students if you and Christie could visit with them "in" Italy. We will be in Rome for three weeks and then in Florence for three weeks. Please let me know what works for you.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007


To: Professor Junior III
From: Dean Bumble
Date: February 7, 2007
Re: Visit of Senator Faceworth

As you are aware the Law School has invite Senator Jerry Faceworth to guest lecture for two weeks on the subject of Labor Law. I would like to you to serve as his host during this time. I know you have many committments but we need to put our best foot forward given that Senator Faceworth has recently announced his candidacy for President of the United States.

Please advise me of your availability as soon as it is convenient. Senator Faceworth arrives on February 15th.

Thank you.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Rethinking Marvelle's Overture

Your dutiful quartet arrived back in Ivyville Sunday evening. Much too tired to possibly hold class this week but I hope to be ready the week after that. I am feel a nasty headache coming on as a write this. Surely the dean cannot expect me to spend a week doing research of the first virtual summer foreign program and be back in class so quickly. I did at least three weeks work in Italy already. I informed the students and in order to make up the classes missed I Xeroxed some bar review outlines for them to peruse and told them to go watch Casablanca because of its connections to my course on International Financial Transaction Involving Families and Children Faced with Elder Law Intellectual Property Issues. Naturally I have to limit enrollment to 10 but, interesting, that has not been a problem so far. I guess word is just not out among the students.

I was cordial to Marvelle in the trip back but made an effort not to be alone with her. The idea did occur to me, though, that I may have misunderstood her comment. For example, "Listen you asshole. I have friends Hugo does not know about and you should pray you never see. Touch me again like you did on the plane coming over and I will make sure they make you even more of a woman." could be a slightly indirect way of telling me that she has secrets from Hugo and maybe she just phrased what she mean carelessly. In fact, I am pretty sure what she meant to say is "only you can make me even more of a woman."

I do not want to be involved with her except as the wife of my dear fried and coauthor Hugo but do not want to disappoint her either. Perhaps a Valentine is in order.

In the meantime while in customs, Hugo and I completed another article while waiting for our luggage:

Junior III, Chadsworth & Valencia, Hugo, "Guide to Implementation of Virtual Summer Study Program for Indigent Ivy League Law Students," 1 Ghostarticle 44 (2007) (those present: US Agriculture dog, US Border guard, Emil (skycap).

Saturday, February 3, 2007

The Touch and the Times

Our work in Florence is done and in a few minutes we will depart for the airport. I will admit that Hugo and I have smiles on our faces. In merely a week we have finalized the summer study in Italy details. Housing has been arranged in Rome and Florence, many restauarants identified for the student "involvment," and we have developed a nice list of wines for them to sample should they be able to find them in the U.S. And we take pride in devising a summer program that is open to all regardless of financial ability. Finally we have coauthored two very well placed articles for the decanal glossy.

All is not well, though, and I am somewhat alarmed. Despite my best efforts to avoid being alone with Marvelle and to avoid eye contact, an unsettling thing happened last night at dinner. Marvelle, Caroline and Hugo had all excused themselves to go to the facilities. Marvelle returned first. She approached the table and rather than sit in her chair he came very close to me and leaned over. Her lips were next to my ear. "My God, is she so smitten that she will kiss me in public?"

Then I hear these words spoken very slowly, "Listen you asshole. I have friends Hugo does not know about and you should pray you never see. Touch me again like you did on the plane coming over and I will make sure they make you even more of a woman."

I am mulling this over (there are so many messages in there) as I write this and prepare for the return flight. The only good thing I can see in this that is hopeful is that Marvelle appears to be a strick adherent to the New York Times rule. She has complete denyability about her threat.

Friday, February 2, 2007

1 Ghostarticles 12 (2007)

Junior III, Chadsworth & Valencia, Hugo, "The Informal Law of Wine Selection in Florence Italy: Critical Perspectives and Taninacidity," 1 Ghostarticle 12 (2007) (Those present: Junior III, Caroline; Valencia, Marvelle; & Antonio, wine steward).

Thursday, February 1, 2007

GhostArticle for the Decanal Glossy

I have much to report on our efforts to serve the students by spending a week in Italy. I realize, however, that my last submission may be puzzling to some. Ghostarticle represents the combination of two ideas presented to me by similarly privileged and, therefore, productive (although not Marvelle-proof) colleagues.

Idea 1. It's that time of year when the dean creates a glossy brochure listing everyone's publications. You realize that a few months ago you were in a discussion with someone and an audience was there. It was taped and you had your secretary type it up. Presto! an article for your resume.

Idea 2. You read a draft of a colleague's article, made some suggestions and so on. You are a ghost coauthor and rightfully could claim this on your resume.

So, the other day Hugo and I were having some drinks and playing a bit of tennis and I realized we are have a perfectly marvelous discussion about the best spots in Europe to have summer programs. It was in depth. All we needed was someone to write it down.

Think about it. Does the fact that no one was there to write it down really change the substance of our scholarship? In effect, we had coauthored a ghostarticle, worthy of listing on our overflowing resumes and to be including in the annual decanal glossy.

Thus. the birth of the new journal Ghostarticles.

Volume 1 contains the first article by Hugo and myself since the journal's birth. And what a journal. No pesky reading, no cumbersome downloads, no snotty law review editors. No, right from your mouth to your resume!!!

Submitted to SSRN

Junior III, Chadsworth & Valencia, Hugo, "The Perils of Italian Train Travel: Rome to Florence,"
1 Ghostarticles 1 (2007) (audience , Junior III, Caroline & Valencia, Marvelle, February 7, 2007). Coupon Coupon